


Kravitz is the fun uncle but no one knows except him

by fandomsnstuff



Series: Lilliana Bluejeans [2]
Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, BLUPJEANS BABY, Family Bonding, Feelings, Fluff, Gen, Hijinks & Shenanigans, Post-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-28 05:09:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22538326
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fandomsnstuff/pseuds/fandomsnstuff
Summary: “I’m going to be the fun uncle,” Taako says, not for the first time. “She’s going to love hanging out with me because it’ll always be so much fun, and I’m going to be her favourite.”When Lilliana is born, obviously there’s not much Taako can do quite yet to earn the “Fun Uncle” title. But once she gets old enough for that title to actually go to someone… well… Taako doesn’t quite hit the mark, in all honesty.Sure, maybe he’ll give her a cookie in the middle of the afternoon, or let her have a little more dessert than usual, but when push comes to shove, Taako’s a stickler for the rules set out for her. She only gets one or two special treats, no constant flow of cookies and candy and other goodies. No snacks past 7 o’clock, and she’s in bed by 7:30 sharp.Lilliana adores her uncle Taako, but for all intents and purposes, he’s kind of like another parent who is maybe just a little more lenient with his cookie stash. Not quite fun uncle material.Now Kravitz, on the other hand…
Relationships: Barry Bluejeans/Lup, Kravitz & blupjeans baby, Kravitz/Taako (The Adventure Zone)
Series: Lilliana Bluejeans [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1621729
Comments: 16
Kudos: 161





	Kravitz is the fun uncle but no one knows except him

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on a baby blupjeans high so this is literally the second one of these that I've written in like two days I love them

When Barry and Lup first announced that they were going to have a baby, Taako was probably the most excited. 

Everyone was, of course, but Taako knew how bad Lup wanted this, how long she’d been wishing for it, even before the Starblaster and the Hunger and everything. 

And he was going to have a  _ niece _ . A little someone to love and spoil and dote on. 

“I’m going to be the fun uncle,” Taako says, not for the first time. “She’s going to love hanging out with me because it’ll always be so much fun, and I’m going to be her favourite.” 

When Lilliana is born, obviously there’s not much Taako can do quite yet to earn the “Fun Uncle” title. But once she gets old enough for that title to actually go to someone… well… Taako doesn’t quite hit the mark, in all honesty. 

Sure, maybe he’ll give her a cookie in the middle of the afternoon, or let her have a little more dessert than usual, but when push comes to shove, Taako’s a stickler for the rules set out for her. She only gets one or two special treats, no constant flow of cookies and candy and other goodies. No snacks past 7 o’clock, and she’s in bed by 7:30  _ sharp _ . 

Lilliana adores her uncle Taako, but for all intents and purposes, he’s kind of like another parent who is maybe just a  _ little _ more lenient with his cookie stash. Not quite fun uncle material. 

Now  _ Kravitz _ , on the other hand… 

When Kravitz babysits by himself, Lilliana gets whatever snacks she wants, when she wants them. Don’t want to go to bed? Alright, they’ll just stay up and watch fantasy Disney instead. Ice cream for dinner? Why the hell not. 

It’s not that Kravitz doesn’t know that ice cream for dinner might not be the best idea, it’s just that Lilliana is armed with puppy dog eyes that Kravitz physically can’t say no to. He’ll get her to eat some veggies later, she actually really likes carrots, and she had an apple this afternoon. It’s fine, don’t worry about it. Kravitz is in charge, and if Kravitz says the baby can stay up past her bedtime to play with her toys until she falls asleep on the floor, then so be it. 

Lup and Barry have their suspicions about Kravitz letting Lilliana stay up past her bedtime, but they have nothing to prove it. Kravitz just always hits them with  _ oh, she’s sleeping later than usual because we had so much fun yesterday. Really wore her out, you know? _ And Lilliana, far too clever for her own good, always backs the story up. 

But there are also less… mundane things that Kravitz does with Lilliana that he knows if Taako, Lup, or Barry ever found out about, he’d never be allowed to babysit again. 

For example… you know… taking her to the astral plane to meet the Raven Queen. Multiple times. 

The first time she asks, she’s about three years old. Kravitz doesn’t remember why, but for some reason he started telling her all about the Raven Queen. 

Lilliana looks up at him with her big puppy dog eyes and says, “Lilli meet birdy?” 

Kravitz laughs. “No, I don’t think so.” 

“Lilli meet birdy  _ please _ ??” 

“Maybe another time.” 

Lilliana pouts and goes back to playing with her toys, and Kravitz assumes that’s the end of it. Until a few weeks later when he’s watching her again. 

“Lilli meet birdy  _ now _ ?” She says, as soon as the door closes behind Lup and Barry. 

“You still remember that, do you?” 

“Please?” 

Kravitz laughs and shakes his head. “No, I’m not taking you to the astral plane.” 

She pouts a little bit, but then guides Kravitz over to her toys, insisting he play tea party with her. So again, Kravitz assumes that’s the end of it. 

But he underestimated her persistence. Every single time he’s alone with her, she asks him. Not constantly, usually only once or twice, but she’s adamant that Kravitz will take her to meet the Raven Queen. It all comes to a head just shortly before her fourth birthday. 

Lup’s on a job, Taako has school things to take care of, and Barry still needs to do birthday shopping for Lilliana, so Kravitz is left to babysit. For some reason, on this particular day, Lilliana is  _ very _ determined to meet the Raven Queen. 

“Pleaaase can I meet birdy?” Lilliana asks, probably for the tenth time in 30 minutes.

Kravitz sighs, and he can see in the way she grins that she knows she’s won. “Okay,” he says, “but you have to stay right next to me, and Taako and your parents can’t know about this. Understand?” 

Lilliana nods. “Stay with you, Mama, Daddy, and Taako don’t know.” 

Kravitz stands and holds a hand out for Lilliana to take. He summons in scythe, but takes a moment before opening the rift to reach out to the Raven Queen. Through their connection, he can gather that she doesn’t seem to be in a particularly bad mood or overseeing something important, so hopefully it shouldn’t bother her too much for him to just pop in and out. It’ll be like he wasn’t even there at all. 

He looks down at Lilliana. “Ready?” 

Lilliana bounces in place, clutching the raven plushie Kravitz bought her in one hand and Kravitz’s hand in the other. “Yeah!” 

Kravitz opens the rift and steps into it, guiding Lilliana through. They step out just outside of the door to the Raven Queen’s chamber. Lilliana looks around the dark stone hallway in wonder. 

“Remember,” Kravitz says, “you have to stay with me.” 

Lilliana meets his eyes and nods, serious. Kravitz would almost be inclined to laugh at the serious set to her brow if he wasn’t about to bring her to meet the Raven Queen and thus break probably every rule Barry and Lup have set in place pertaining to Lilliana and the astral plane. 

He takes a moment to steady himself, then turns to knock on the door into the Queen’s chamber. But it’s already open. Barely ajar, but open nonetheless. It’s the way she keeps it if she’s expecting him. He steps forward, pushing the door open slowly. 

“My Queen?” He says, stepping into the room fully, bringing Lilliana in with him. “I’m sorry to arrive unannounced, but-” 

The Raven Queen smiles. “Unannounced? Why, I was expecting you. I believe you’ve brought someone for me to meet?” 

“Yes, I- well, she’s been asking me for months.” 

The Raven Queen, her form more humanoid and more solid than Kravitz is used to seeing her, shifts her gaze to look at Lilliana, just barely poking her head around Kravitz’s leg. “Hello, little one.” 

“Hi,” Lilliana says, her voice a little hesitant. She looks up at Kravitz. “Can I go closer?” 

Kravitz looks up at the Raven Queen, who nods. “Sure, Lilli,” he says, looking back down at her, “you can go closer.” 

She steps out from where she was half-hiding behind Kravitz’s leg and walks up to the Raven Queen. It’s as she reaches the Queen and says a soft “hi, birdy” that Kravitz remembers he didn’t tell her not to call the Raven Queen  _ birdy _ . 

But the Raven Queen just laughs softly and picks Lilliana up. “Hello, flower. It’s nice to finally meet you.”

“This is a secret,” Lilliana says, hushed, as if she’s giving away the most confidential of secrets. “Mama doesn’t know I’m here.”

The Raven Queen seems amused by this. “She doesn’t?” 

Lilliana shakes her head. “Daddy doesn’t know either, you have to keep it secret.”

“And why’s that?” 

“Cause Kravitz will get in trouble an’ he won’t be allowed to do fun things with me anymore.”

“Well,” the Raven Queen says, amusement clear in her voice, “I think I can keep your secret, but you have to do something for me.” 

The Raven Queen is kind and benevolent, but Kravitz gets ready to intervene on whatever  _ condition _ she’s about to bring up. 

“You have to convince Kravitz to bring you back here to see me again,” the Raven Queen says. Kravitz breathes a small sigh of relief. 

Lilliana smiles and agrees. They talk for another minute or two before Kravitz insists that they should get back. 

“Bye, birdy!” Lilliana says as the Raven Queen puts her down. 

“Goodbye, flower. I hope to see you again in the near future.”

Then Kravitz opens a rift, takes Lilli home, and no one is none the wiser. 

He does take her back, now that he knows the Raven Queen won’t mind. Not often, but every once in a while they’ll take a short trip into the astral plane. Lilliana and the Queen will talk for a short time, then Kravitz will bring Lilliana home. Lilliana continues to call the Raven Queen birdy, and there doesn’t seem to be anything Kravitz can do to stop her. Although, the Raven Queen doesn’t seem to mind the nickname either. 

Lup, Barry, and Taako are kept in the dark about the whole thing. Despite the fact that the Raven Queen has clearly taken a liking to Lilliana, Kravitz isn’t sure how happy they’d be with him if they knew he brought her to the astral plane on multiple occasions. 

Another thing Kravitz has done several times that he knows would get him re-killed if anyone found out, is taking Lilliana on reaper missions. 

Only the easy, low-risk ones, but still. Reaper missions. 

She was 13 the first time she managed to talk him into it. 

“Pleaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaase, Kravitz!” 

“No.” 

“Pretty pretty please! I know wizard magic, I’m learning the ranger stuff, and I’m  _ super good at it _ !!!” 

“I value my life, Lilli. I don’t need your mother fireballing me to the next reality.” 

“She doesn’t need to know. Kravitz please! I’m so super good at ranger stuff, I swear! My aim is impeccable! That’s the word my teacher used,  _ impeccable!! _ ” 

Kravitz sighs, slightly irritated. Not at Lilliana, but at the fact that he knows she’s going to win this one. 

“Just a teeny-tiny super easy mission,” she says, clinging to him, “pretty pretty please with a cherry on top?” 

“Okay,” Kravitz says, looking down to where Lilliana is hanging off his arm, “fine.  _ One  _ mission.” 

Lilliana whoops, letting go of Kravitz’s arm and running a victory lap around the house.

“But that’s it!” He says. “One easy mission, and that’s it. We don’t tell anyone about it until you’re 35 and they can’t kill me for it.” 

“Deal!”

Kravitz finds the simplest mission in his tome of bounties, and off they go. It passes incredibly smoothly. They’re in and out in 15 minutes. Despite that, Kravitz was still worried about Lilliana throughout the whole thing. What if something happened to her? What if she got hurt? Gods, if she got hurt then not only would he never be allowed home alone with her again, he would probably be excommunicated from the family as a whole. 

No one hurts Lilliana Bluejeans and gets off easy. Everyone knows that. 

So, Kravitz resolves to not let her talk him into bringing her on another mission, no matter how easy it is. No sir, Lilliana stays home. No more reaper missions for the babyest member of the IPRE.

That lasts for about six months until she talks him into it again. 

“As a birthday present,” she says, “please?” 

He resolves  _ then _ to not let her talk him into it again. 

That one lasts about three weeks. 

Eventually, Kravitz gives into the fact that no matter how hard he tries, he can’t say no to Lilliana for long. She’s got him wrapped around her finger and they both know it. So by the time she’s 15, not only is Kravitz her bringing her to the astral plane for semi-regular meetings with the Raven Queen, he’s also bringing her on reaper missions at least once a month. He’s still scared for her safety every time, but between their secret missions together, her magic and fighting lessons with assorted family members, and her proper schooling, Lilliana grows in power by the day. And Kravitz hand-picks the missions he takes her on, so she never gets more hurt than some scratches and a few bumps and bruises. 

By the time she’s 20, she’s a fully-fledged ranger. She’s got a raven familiar that the Raven Queen let her pick from a special flock of divine astral plane ravens, and a bow and arrows that Magnus hand-made just for her. She can also do wizard magic, from lessons given to her by the five different wizards in her family. Magnus and Killian taught her to fight with weapons, and Carey taught her to be sneaky. She’s got a lot of skills, that Lilliana. 

She sets out travelling, taking odd jobs, exploring, and seeing everything she can. She never misses a family function though, with three family members who can open a rift to anywhere at will. 

Lup, Barry, and Taako still don’t find out about the missions or the visits with the Raven Queen. 

Until… 

Lilliana is 25 years old. She’s been travelling and adventuring for a few years now, and is taking a break to relax at home for a little while before setting out again. She and Kravitz are currently alone in the Bluejeans household. 

“Please,” Lilliana says, leaning heavily into Kravitz’s side as they sit on the couch. 

“No.” Kravitz doesn’t look up from the book he’s reading. 

“Come oooon, Kravvy. I’ve been adventuring for  _ years _ now. I’m so good at what I do. You  _ know _ I’m good.” 

“Doesn’t matter.” 

“Please?” 

“I’m not taking you into a fight with a powerful necromantic cult, no.” 

“You called them weenies at dinner yesterday.” 

Kravitz purses his lips and doesn’t look up from his book. 

Lilliana leans into Kravitz’s field of view. “Please take me on a mission? It doesn’t even have to be that one. Just one with a few asses to kick. I have a spell I’ve been wanting to try.” 

“Isn’t this supposed to be a break from adventuring?” 

“This doesn’t count because travel is only like five seconds. Kravitz,  _ please _ .” 

“No.” Kravitz can feel his resolve breaking. A few more please’s and the two of them will be off to some necromancer’s hideout. 

Lilliana huffs and sprawls herself across Kravitz’s lap, knocking his book to the floor. “You’re not being fun. You’re supposed to be the fun uncle.” 

“ _ Excuse me?! _ ” 

The sound of the front door being thrown closed reverberates through the house. Lilliana and Kravitz make panicked eye contact for a moment before Taako comes marching into the living room. 

Taako stands in front of them and glares. “Did you just say he’s the fun uncle?” 

“No…” Lilliana slowly pushes herself back up into a sitting position, “I did not say that thing you just said.” 

“What does Kravitz do that makes him the fun uncle?” Barry calls from the kitchen as he and Lup put away groceries. 

“Nothing!” Lilliana says, “I didn’t say he’s the fun uncle!” 

“But you did though,” Lup says, coming out of the kitchen and standing next to Taako. Both twins regard the two of them suspiciously. Evaluating. 

“You’re hiding something,” both twins say at the same time. 

“No I’m not!” Kravitz and Lilliana defend in unison. 

“Mama, would I hide things from you?” Lilliana says, pouting just a little bit, her eyes wide and innocent. 

Lup stares her daughter down. Lilliana stares right back. She starts out strong, but Lup’s had years to perfect her “tell me what you’re hiding” look. 

“Okay,” Lilliana says, finally breaking. “I’ll tell you, but Kravitz has to leave first.” 

“Why?” Taako asks. 

“Because I don’t want you to kill him.” 

It takes a little bit of convincing, but eventually a suspicious Taako lets Kravitz leave. 

A few hours later, Taako comes home. Kravitz goes still where he’s sitting and reading. 

“Are you here to excommunicate me from the family?” 

Taako scoffs, but he’s smiling. “Nah. She never got hurt, she’s an adult now, and a budding adventurer. At this point, what you did or didn’t do when she was younger kind of doesn’t matter.” 

“So you’re not mad?” 

Taako sits next to him and rests his head on his shoulder. “I’m only mad that I’ve been calling myself the fun uncle for the last 25 years, and it’s been you all along.” 

“Oh come on now, you’re plenty of fun.” 

“I  _ know _ , but I don’t bring her out to fight necromancers.” 

“Is she in trouble?” 

Taako snorts. “She was going to be until she pointed out that all she did was ask for things, and  _ you’re  _ the one that said yes.” 

“Is Lup going to kill me?” 

“She might take a shot at you next time she sees you, but other than that you’re in the clear.” 

Taako huffs a breath of laughter. “I can’t believe I told her she couldn’t come on a boys weekend with me, Magnus, and Merle when she was 18 because it’d be too dangerous, when you’ve been taking her on reaper missions since she was 13.” 

“In my defence, they were very very easy missions.” 

“How were you not just worried about her getting hurt the whole time?” 

“Oh, I was. But she was always so happy when I said she could come, and afterwards she’d always be beaming so big, I could just never say no.” 

Taako hums in acknowledgement, fiddling with the cuff of his sleeve. 

“You’re still her favourite though. You know that, right?” Kravitz says. 

“Yeah, sure.” Taako mumbles. 

“I’m serious. After a lot of the missions I’d take her on, she’d say  _ god, I know we can’t, but I wish I could tell Taako about this one. _ ” Taako doesn’t respond, so Kravitz continues, “whenever she did particularly well, I could see this pent-up energy within her. She wanted to tell you and Lup and Barry about it so  _ bad _ , but she couldn’t. Hell, it was probably a good thing she got to see the Raven Queen fairly regularly, just so she had someone that wasn’t me to talk to about it.” 

“Wait.” Taako sits up and looks at Kravitz. “What do you mean she got to see the Raven Queen regularly?” 

_ Oh, shit. _ “Well,” Kravitz yawns, totally fake and completely over exaggerated, and stands from his spot on the couch, “I’m off to bed. Very tired. Long day.” 

“Lilli only told us about the reaper missions, what do you mean _she got to_ _see the Raven Queen_ _regularly_?”

“Goodnight, Taako!” 

“Kravitz did you take Lilliana to see the Raven Queen?” 

Kravitz is already halfway up the stairs with no sign of stopping. Taako gets up and follows him. 

“Babe, do you take Lilliana to visit the Raven Queen on a regular basis yes or no?” Taako calls as he goes up the stairs. 

Kravitz enters their bedroom, and from down the hall Taako hears the distinct sound of fabric tearing. Taako runs the rest of the way to their room only to find it empty. Taako huffs, more amused than anything else, and pulls out his stone of farspeech. 

“Taako?” Lup says, answering after the first ring. 

“Lup you’re not going to fucking believe this-” 

**Author's Note:**

> Kravitz: physically, yes, I could say no to Lilliana. But emotionally? Imagine the toll. 
> 
> (My tumblr is fandomsnstuff come say hi if you want)
> 
> Come on over to my Lilli-centric tumblr @lillianabluejeans


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